I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
