okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
