you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
