Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
