Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
