she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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