we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
