I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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