just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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