I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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