Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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