i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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