You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
