Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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