I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
