she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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