I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Never underestimate the power of titties
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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