my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
