Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Let the clothes fall where they may.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
