Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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