You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
