i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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