Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
