i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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