do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
