And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
