home. puking in laundry basket.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
