READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
