he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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