Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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