Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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