2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
this beer tastes like vomit already
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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