I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
