apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
