Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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