I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
