Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
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Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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