you traded sex for a burrito?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
