his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
