No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
