happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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