ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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