so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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