We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
