I must be too annoying 4 u.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
