the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
