My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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