my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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