The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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