I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
