Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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