She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
