Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
