somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
