I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
