I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize