So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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