If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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