HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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