its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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