I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
