doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
