He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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