Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
