I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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