69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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