You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I love black thongs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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