i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
