he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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