Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
