remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
