I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
