Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
