he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
