I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
