I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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