We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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