Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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