This is not my ceiling
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
