Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
